he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I look better un-naked...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My liver just had a heart attack.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize