He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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