OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
