Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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