Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
