Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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