I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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