Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize