sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Even my vagina gasped.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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