I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
