So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
