So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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