I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
