I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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