my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize