you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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