I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
