Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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