Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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