Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
