your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
