Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
