I just cut my nipple shaving
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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