apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
