i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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