so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize