sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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