I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
