You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
