Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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