Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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