You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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