You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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