Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
