You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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