I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
