so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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