i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
