Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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