someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
