Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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