Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Randomize
