She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
