Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
