a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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