What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
