i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
