youre lurking in front of me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
