i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
