don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
