what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
