you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
