It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
