i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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