And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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