Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
