I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
