tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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