Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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