elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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