Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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