He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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