i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
