super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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