So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
