Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
