he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
