My friends, they love my intelligence
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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